Penelope
by A Lovely Reader
Summary: Penelope Abernathy is the daughter of two victors.  She is thrown into what could be the most brutal Games yet.  Please read, It's a lot better than it sounds  I hope
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first story! Yay! Flames are allowed and if you see any grammar or spelling mistakes please tell me. Sorry it's short and the next chapter should be up on Monday or tomorrow (or today) xD I don't know how long it will take.**

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><p>"Penelope! You have to wake up! It's reaping day!" My best friend Steven Moreen yells, while shaking me awake. As I open my eyes I see my best friend's face no less than two inches away from mine. I yell, he never wakes me up like this.<p>

"I'm up! I'm up! Is Dad up?" I ask him, I really hope Dad's awake. He's terrible in the morning.

"Nah, I didn't dare after last time." He said grimacing. Last time Steve tried to wake up Dad, he was almost killed. My father is a victor of the Hunger Games, he is also a drunk who drinks 'till he passes out and sleeps with his knife.

"I totally understand. He's great but when you have to wake after nights like last." Dad, last night, was plagued with his nightmares and drank so much he was sick everywhere. After all of his drinking, my father is not a lightweight. Nor is he a man that does not make it to the toilet.

"Well, I'll just go back home, see you at the reaping." He paused for a second,"And may the odds be ever in your favor!" He said in his perfected Capitol Accent. He then ran out, probably so he wouldn't have to see Dad.

I made my way down stairs, I hoped my father had woke up by the time I got down there but no such luck. He was on the kitchen counter in his own vomit. Great, I'll have to clean that after the reaping. I nudge my father, yell and finally dumped water on him to wake him up. I jump out of the way just in time. He swings his knife wildly. "Daddy, it's Reaping Day. Up and in a shower." I tell him, he grunts in response. "Up, up! I have to get ready too!" I turn on my heel and wake up to my room to shower and change.

After my shower, I dry my dirty blonde hair and put on a gray dress Effie Trinket brought me saying if I was going to be going to the Capitol I must look pretty every year. I also put on the heels she forces me to wear, "Because you're the daughter of two victors and must look good for both of them!" Effie's a handful, but I love her. I have to see her every year since I was six. I only put on red lipstick and leave my gray eyes alone. I am almost out the door of my room when I remember the golden ring my father gave me on my fifteenth birthday.

I walk to my father's room and see him in real pants and a button down shirt. It surprised me, he never takes care of his looks. I wonder why he did today until I see a woman walk out of his bathroom with a grimace on her face. "Effie!" I yell, I hadn't seen her since last year.

"Oh, darling Penelope." Effie says all to formally. "I see you are wearing the dress I got you. Wonderful. You really must being going to the reaping now." Effie's voice was off.

"Um okay... Bye Daddy."

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><p>I went to the town square and waited for Steve, his sister Sarah and Angela, their cousin. I waited for about ten minutes before deciding to just sign in and wait by the fifteen year old section. I stood there for about another ten minutes until they came, Sarah and Angela looked nervous. Steve was laughing at them because they were so scared. "They have a right to be scared Steve, anyone could be picked. Me, you, Sarah or Angela. It's a game of chance." Steve stopped laughing abruptly and stared over my shoulder. I looked over to where he was staring and saw Kristen Hammenton. She was the prettiest girl at school; long, wavy, chestnut hair, her eyes were the purest green you could ever see and she was tall and curvy. The worst part was that she's a good person, meaning I can't just mindlessly hate her.<p>

"Steven Moreen stop drooling and get over her," I snap rather harshly. His face changes from love sick puppy to anger in about three seconds.

"You just don't like her because she's pretty and you're not." Steve said, equally has harsh. He runs over to Kristen and they start talking. I try not to cry but end up failing. Steve has never said that to me before and it hurts.

"Oh, Lope he just being a boy. You know he doesn't mean it," his sister says.

"He knew what he said and knew the effect it would have on me." I reply wiping my tears. The mayor, my father and Effie walk on stage and talk for about twenty minutes before picking the names.

"Ladies first," Effie says, her face changes as she reads the name. She takes a deep breathe.


	2. Chapter 2

**SO I got this faster than I thought, review if you want :) Hope you enjoy it :) IT gets better after this Promise. You get to meet victors next chapter :D**

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><p>"Penelope Abernathy." Her face was tight and my father jumped to his feet.<p>

"That can't be right! It's not right!" He yelled. I started to walk up to the stage, I hold my tears and try to look calm. "Effie it's not right! You can't let her!"

"The rules are rules, Haymitch, she must." He continues to yell.

"Daddy, yelling won't help," I say as I make on stage. His face tuns white and he sits back down. His hands grip a bottle. "Drinking won't either," I mutter to myself.

"Now for the boys," Effie smiles, digging her hand in the glass bowl. "Daniel Broks!" Effie is excited again, the boy who was called walks from the thirteen year old section. His eyes water and he starts to cry as he makes his way to the stage. He has the seam look to him; skinny, dark hair and gray eyes. He shakes as he reaches to shake my hand. He's so skinny, I bet you could count his ribs.

The mayor drones on a bit and then Peacekeepers lead us to the goodbye rooms. I realize I could be in the same one my dad was in. Steven, Sarah and Angela are the first in the room with me.

"I am so sorry that I didn't volunteer! I froze and then it was over!" Sarah bursts, "I should have volunteered! You're my best friend." Sarah starts to cry.

"It's alright Sarah, you have to look after Steven and Angie and Marcus." Marcus is Angela's little brother and he has been deathly ill for the last week. "You have to stay strong for them. For me." Sarah looks up at me and throws herself at me.

"You have to come home! You have to! For everyone! You're the best person in district twelve!" She says as she hugs me.

"We'll stay strong... And if you don't come back we'll watch over Haymitch." Angie tells me as she joins our hug. "We'll be here for you."

"Oh, Penny. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Steve says when he hugs me. "You're my best friend." He whispers in my ear.

"Your times up." A peacekeeper bangs on the door. I hug each of them, holding Steve a bit longer, "Your goddam time is up!" The Peacekeeper shouts. The three of them leave, no one else comes to visit me. "We're going to the train. Come along." The same peacekeeper says.

When we get to the train station the amount of lights and cameras are shocking. I hear voices yell at me about my father and what he thinks. We're hurried to the train and are stuffed inside. Effie rushes over, "Come to the dinning room, we are going to discuss strategies." She hurries us to the dinning room, Daddy was sitting there with a bottle of whiskey.

"Already started drinking?" I ask him. He takes a swig from the bottle, after two more drinks he tells us to sit down with him.

"You're going to do everything I say. Everything your stylist says, everything the prep team says and everything Effie says."

"When are we going to be there?" Asks Daniel.

"Tomorrow around lunch." Effie replies stiffly.

"Does my mother know? Will she be there this year?" My mother is a victor in District 4 and I have to live with her after every Hunger Game. I don't really enjoy it there because my mom is not fond of me. President Snow forces me to go and live there because it hurts my dad.

"Your mom doesn't know yet, we can't tell her. She has to see the reaping and she couldn't come this year. She's pregnant." Effie answers, Mom's pregnant?

"With who?" I ask a little to harshly, Effie filches away from me.

"An old boyfriend, they got back together after you left last year." Effie says, quietly, "That's why I was your house this morning to tell your father. Since your mom not there this year you're traveling back with Finnick, if you make it." She says with a sad smile.

"How far along is she?" I ignore the part about being alive, I'll make it through for my dad.

"Four months. Dinner will be ready in an hour, be ready." Effie and my father walk out. Daniel starts to sob and ask to go home.

"Sh, it gets better. It'll be alright." I sit on the floor next to him and he puts his head on my shoulder. "You got family?"

"Two little sisters and an older brother, the girls are four, Hannah and Helena. Mark is my brother, he's nineteen. My mom's on her death bed and now I'm a dead boy walking." Daniel sniffs and sits up,"Thanks, I'm going to get ready." He leaves too.

I walk to my room and change into more comfy outfit, I take off the heels and slip into slippers. I go back to the dinning room, I sit and wait for everyone, Effie is the first to arrive, then Daniel and finally Daddy.

"I want you to eat as much as you can, you need to gain weight. Drink lots of water too." Dad says to us. We're going to be starving soon so why not eat as much as you can. I take one of everything, then go for seconds. I almost get sick but hold it in. After dinner, we go to the T.V. room and watch the reapings. Golden Glimmer, an eighteen year old from district 1 and her partner, Silk Ripen, seventeen stick out to me. Golden, though she had incredible beauty had a look in her eyes that was scary and Silk was just creepy, he looked at everything as though he wanted to have sex with it. When I pointed this out to my dad he told me to hush up or stop watching. Effie was taking notes, like she does every year. Marina was the district 2 tribute and she was less threatening than Golden, but still I will look out for her. Though Andrew, her partner, was eighteen, he was weak you could see it in his eyes, there was no brutality you needed to have to be a victor. Trust me, I grew up around them.

District 3 had a newly wed couple, that sucks. They are going to be bloodbaths, they were both scared and wouldn't be able to kill. But than again I thought that about Johanna Mason and she killed 12 out of the 24 tributes. I was unprepared for district 4, Oceania Upoin was the tribute and in district 4 one of my best friends. The boy was not very memorable, districts 5-10 I zoned out. I thought of how I might have to kill one of my best friends. Oceania was very sweet and we meet when we were only three, she had got lost at the fish market when I was there with my mother, we found her dad and we were best friends since.

We get to district 11 when I finally start to watch again, Frost Indigo and Trust Krowns stuck out to me, it was an odd pair. One being eighteen, the other being only twelve. Dad sent us to bed because we would be in the Capitol tomorrow. I change into the silk jammies an Avox must have set out for me. My sleep is riddled with nightmares about my death; drowning, stab wounds, torture, and falling. There's a lot of falling.

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><p>I am woken up by Effie and sent to breakfast in my jammies. I am just going to be stripped down by the prep team. At the breakfast table no one says a word, me and Daniel just stuff our faces. "Daniel, you must do what the prep team tells you. I don't have to examine to you, right?" My father asks, I shake my head yes.<p>

"We're pulling in, we're here earlier than expected." Effie says,"The prep team will have more time with you, this is wonderful!" Effie exclaims happily. I walk to the window to see the city I have seen ever since I was a baby. There are people at the train station waiting to take our pictures. When we finally stop, me and Daniel are pushed off of the train and into the waiting arms of the prep teams


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the chapter :D Hope you like it and that it's not to short, I don't really know how long this story will go. BUT I will finish it, I enjoy writing this type of stuff. :D**

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><p>For Capitol people, my prep team is way out there. One of the woman, I don't remember any of their names, has bright blue skin, acid yellow flower tattoos, and blood red eyes. The other woman has the face of a cat, a bright purple cat at that. The man of the prep team has hair to his shoulder the color of puke green, black eyes and orange skin. His tongue is also spilt in the middle to be like a snake's, it's quite creepy when he talks because he hisses.<p>

They started working on me right a way, with baths that rubbed me raw, waxing and plucking. They even cut my hair a bit, it went from my waist to the middle of my back. It was a little sad that the hair had to go, but it felt like a new me. Which I have to become to win the games. They curl my hair, making it have big, bouncy curls. I liked the way it looked a lot, it made me look older than fifteen. They move to make up, they put silver dust all over me, then they frame my eyes with black kohl. After being there for about four hours my stylist walks in, Violetta, she's bright purple, with green hair and bright pink eyes. She also has whiskers, I guess animals are in this year.

"I have the greatest idea for you! You have the perfect body for it, not a lot of girls have bodies like your's, it's so perfect." Violetta tells me, she continues to rattle on about my body, I tune her out after a while. "We're going to have lunch now, then we get you into the outfit." I nod and note she didn't say dress, which is what most stylist do. Maybe we finally have a sensible stylist. A steak, potatoes, and gravy meal on a steaming plate comes up through the table, and I remember the first time I every saw this happen, I was four. It was a new invention, it still had some glitches and when the food came up it fell right back down the chute, they forgot to make the table go back together. Four people went missing after that, all from district 3. I dig into the lunch, I eat all of it, savoring every taste. Violetta looked disgusted at me, murmuring about district children. After she stopped muttering to herself, she went to get my outfit. Through out of the lunch I was a little uncomfortable, because I was simply sitting in a robe with a strange woman, I knew nothing about. She came back with lace in her hands, I had a feeling this would be bad. She held up a black lace push-up bra and black lace panties, what the hell?

"I'm wearing that?" I ask her, hoping it was a joke. She just nodded her head happily.

"I told you, you have the perfect body for this!" She was bouncing with excitement, "Your partner will be wearing jeans with a mining helmet, so I thought,'She should wear a helmet too.' Then I saw you and changed my design, 'cause you have the perfect body!" _Daddy won't be happy._

"Thanks, I like it," I force a smile. She makes me put it on, then slams the orange helmet on my head. She steers me to the mirror and I feel so exposed, I feel like I am one of the women who have to sell themselves to get money. She tells me that Effie is waiting in the hall, slaps my over exposed butt and sends me out there.

Effie snorts, legit snorts, when she sees me,"I can't wait to see your father's reaction. Someone's gonna die." She cackles and walks me to chariots. District 1 and 4 are the only one's there. Silk stares at me hungrily, I feel like I am being raped. Cashmere, the female district 1 mentor, hisses something at him.

I hear a high pitched laugh,"Your parents are going to love that outfit." Oceania teases me when I turn to her. She's dressed in a goddess gown of blue and green,"Like what you see?" She winks.

"Have you been having lessons from Finnick?" I ask her, she laughs again.

"He's over there if you want to say hi." She says, pointing. I thank her and rush over to Finnick.

"Finn!" I fling my arms over him, the seventeen year old looks a bit surprised. "How have you been?" I ask detangling myself.

"Pretty good, I was a bit upset to hear you were reaped. But look at you." He whistles and I strike a pose. "Has your dad seen you yet?" I shake my head no. "You'll be in the victors lodge tonight?" I nod, I'm allowed to go 'cause of Dad. "Good, I have to talk to you somthing and Jo' wants to say hi."

"She's not coming down here? She usually does." I say, confused.

"Wasn't feeling well. Train food made her sick," His sea green eyes broke contact with mine, he was lying.

"Why are you lying, Finnick?" I whisper softly, Finnick does not lie often, but when he does he has a good reason to.

"It's not my secret to tell," Finn whispers back,"I'm so-"

"What the hell are you wearing?" I hear my father bellow. I hear Finn start to laugh and Cashmere groan. I turn to see my dad bright red, Finnick's laughing so hard.

"Daddy, you said not to fight them... Your face looks like a Capitol freak," I grin, Cashmere starts to laugh too, Finnick's on the floor. Dad turns a purple color,"Well, at least my head protected." I tap my helmet.

"Get into the chariot. It's starting now." My dad says through gritted teeth, I spin back to Finn and grin.

"See you in the lodge." He sends me a cheeky wink.

"Get in the god dammed chariot. It's starting." Dad growls, Dan is already in the chariot when I jump in.

"Bye, DADDY," I grin when we get looks. Our chariot passes through the doors and the light blinds me. It's take a few seconds for me to get used to the light. I hear people whistling and calling my name, I hear the commentators call me a sexy piece. After fifteen minutes of this we get to the mansion of President Snow, he talks for a while and I try not to fall asleep, which I fail at because Daniel has to wake me. Twice. The Capitol people find this hilarious though, so I take as a good sign. I get bored again and start to slam my hip against Dan, I start to hum and finally we're done!

I jump off the chariot and Finn walks up to me,"They loved you, Goofball. Meet me in ten at the victor's lodge." I laugh and nod


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry I fit seems rushed, it was. I am aiming for the next one to be on Thursday... hope you enjoy... **

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><p>I change out of the bra and panties and into a gray sweater, jeans and heels Effie forced me into after she saw me in the hallway. I run down to the elevator and press 'V' for victor's lodge. I skip out of the elevator and into the room, I see Daddy and Chaff drinking, Brutus and Enobaria taking bets about bloodbaths, Cashmere and Gloss gossiping, and finally Johanna and Finnick. I skip over to them,"Hello."<p>

"Hey, Penelope." Jo' replies, she looks tired and sounds wary.

"You okay, Jo'?" The sixteen year old looks at her lap and refuses to speak. Finn catches my eye, _I think you should go._ His eyes said, they burned with hatred that I have never seen from him. I gasp, "O-oh, I t-think I'll go t-to s-sleep or s-something." I stumble back from him, fear floods my mind. I trip over my feet and I scramble up, I rush to the elevator, run inside it and press '12'. The raw emotion I saw in his eyes was nothing like the carefree guy I meet three years ago, it scared me. It reminded me of the looks tributes give each other before they strike.

I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe, I was suffocating, tears roll down my face. When the elevator opened on my floor I rushed to the staircase I knew lead to the roof. I take the stairs two by two, I push through the door at the landing. I gulp air in for multiple seconds, then I rush to the garden. I sit in the middle of it, I take deep calming breathes and stare at the flowers. I get a very sudden idea, I could draw these flowers. I don't even use the steps this time, I use the rails and slide straight down to the landing. I run to the room I was given earlier, I rush to the desk. There's some plain paper and some black kohl that I could use to draw the flowers. I rush back to the stairs, then a thought hits me,_ you've never drawn_. Hum, well, time to wing it.

I pick my first subject, a Calla Lily, I start at the base and draw the lip of the flower curving up into a point. I draw a slight curve, then go straight down to the stem again. I am the detailing lines and shade it. For my first attempt at drawing it's quite good. I continue to draw for a while, until I have a least eight pictures of flowers and plants. As I got used to drawing the flowers got better and better. I have to rush to my room so that no one sees me, I could get in trouble for being out of bed. I finally make it to my room, I change into my jammies and snuggle into the soft bed sheets.

I wake up just in time to change into my training outfit and get breakfast. I have some oatmeal and a green apple, I'm in the elevator at nine forty five, I am standing by dad when we stop on level four. Finnick is standing out of the elevator with Oceania and Jacob, he looks struck at my red, puffy eyed face. They walk in, the silence is so thick you would have to get a drilling tool to cut it. Finally, we make it to the training room, I don't think that ever in my life I would be relieved to see it. My father and Finnick walk out talking to each other, both with a look of worry.

Atala covers everything we need to know and we're off. The Careers march straight to the weapons, I go to the spear section. I never tried a spear before, I throw a couple of times but quickly realize it's not my strong point. I walk away from the station and straight in the chest of a large male.

"Couldn't keep yourself off of me, it's okay I can't either." Silk. His hand slips behind me and rests on my butt. I'm frozen, he takes this as an entrance and plants his lips over mine. I feel like I am being slobbered by a dog, I squirm and try to wiggle out of his grasp. His other hand goes straight for my chest and grips on to one of my breasts. I snap and bring my knee up into his crotch, and all of the weight is off of me. I walk away- run away- from Silk, who was on the floor groaning. I head toward the bow and arrow station, I spend a good two hours there. I try a few more weapons and finally go to survival.

I do this everyday of training, working weapons, then survival. On the last day I have no clue what to show them, I finally decide to show them my bow and arrow skills. I get called in and am shaking from nervousness. I walk to the archery station and pick up a wooden bow, then I face the targets. I shot a couple of times and hit vital areas each time. I walk over to the knot tying station and make some simple knots that I learned from Finn, I haven't talked to him since the night I freaked out. I am finally done with the private session and run to the elevator.

Someone was waiting for me too..


	5. Chapter 5

**I have delete this chapter because I didn't write it for this story, it was meant for another I wrote a long time ago. The next chapter will be out soon, be patient. Sorry again.**

**Update! So people really enjoyed the chapter! Well, I didn't expect that... I will keep it... Even though that's not how I planned it :)**

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><p>Johanna stood by the elevator waiting for me. She isn't facing me when I walk up to her,"You have no right, no right at all to treat Finnick like you have been." Her voice is startling shrill, her hands shaking. Her face was contorted with rage.<p>

"Like what? I have live with victors all my life, I know when to let them be. I was afraid, I have never seen Finnick like that. I was scared, he looked like the predator stalking prey. I felt as though I would be hurt if I stayed any longer." My voice shook with the anger I felt rising in me.

"You're treating him like an animal. Like you're better than him, he as been through more than you will ever face. He is used everyday, he makes sure everyone is safe before him and you dare to treat like you're better than him!" Her voice raised several levels.

"I don't know what it's like to be used? If you think that, you really don't know me." I whisper to her, "I know what he has to do everyday, I also know you have started too, I am not stupid. I live around victors, I know what's going on." My voice is very soft.

"You know what it's like to be used? My ass." She laughs, a bitter laugh.

"Yes, I do. When I was fourteen, I was cornered when I came home from the victor's tour. By four boys Finnick's age, all of them Chaff's height. You have no clue what they did to me. I tried to fight them. They raped me. They took me to their house, I was there for at least twelve hours. You have no right to tell me that I don't know how it feels." I shake so badly, I can barely walk. I push past a very surprised Johanna, no knows about that. Not my mother, not my father. Not Finn.

I remember the day well: _I had spent my time with Mother this year and was ready to go home. I spent the day in the train and after seven hours I was in district 12. Finally, I was going to be able to see Daddy. Sure, I had a great time with Finn, and Mariana but Daddy's Daddy. The Peacekeepers tell me that they should walk me home. I decline. I am not a child anymore, I can walk home myself. I take a shortcut through the Seam, I walk into an alleyway so no one can see me. Most people don't like it when they see a rich girl in the Seam. They feel it's disrespectful._

_I am to lost in thought to see the boys surround me. They're so much taller, than my slight 5'4 frame, they surround me. They leer at me, snarl at me. I feel the first struck, of the many coming, it comes to the side of my face. I pass out for a few minutes, when come to I am tied down to a bed. My wrists and ankles bound to the bed posts, completely naked. The boys come into the room, they tell me what they're going to do to me. Twelve hours later , I am tossed out of the house in only my undergarments. I could barely move, I don't know how long I sat there whimpering. I felt disgusted, horrified. I felt a hand touch my back and flinched away. _

_"It's okay, I'm here to help. My son saw you here." I hear a soft, feminine voice tell me. I open my eyes and see warm gray ones staring back at me. "I have a friend who can help you, she only lives a few houses away. I'm Hazelle and this is my son, Gale." She said motioning behind her, to the boy who was about thirteen. "You came out of the Greefs house right." She pointed at the house that the horror went on in. I nod. "My son is going to pick you up, he's not going to do anything to you." She sees my flinch when he picks me up. He's a lot stronger than he seems. She brings me to her friend's house and the two small girls ask question on what's going on. Hazelle keeps them a way from the kitchen where her friend is working on my wrists and ankles. She wraps them in gaze and takes me to a bedroom where she can fully examine me. She tells me to come back here everyday this week and next. I get a pair of clothes and I am sent home, Gale walks me out of the Seam. I get to my father's house and wondered if he noticed I was not there at the right time. I ring the doorbell, I hear nothing. I ring it again, a groan and a chair being pushed back. My father answers the door._

_"What are you doin' here? You're coming tomorrow," he slurs. _Figures he would forget about me_, I think._

I'm focus again, I can not be trapped in memories again, I stopped them four months ago! They stopped! I just want them to leave me... I clutch my head, I try to continue to focus, but I am sucked into another memory.

_The boys are on trail, for raping and murdering three other girls. I got out lucky, most of the girls who enter that house never make it out alive. I watch as their families cry, wondering why they did such a thing. They are sent to death, their mothers wail. Fathers pound their fists against the floor, sisters and brother shedding tears. _

And you feel no sympathy.

_I can't feel sympathy for people as disgusting as them. _

They are being put to death, they're only seventeen.

_Twelve year olds die every year in the Hunger Games._

This isn't the Hunger Games though is it? You help set up their death. It's your fault. You did this to their families.

_No! No, I didn't! I didn't do this. I clutch my head, why is this happening?_

The elevator doors don't close, I don't remember falling on the floor, but I feel the tears running down my face and rocking back and fourth. "It's not my fault. I didn't mean for that. It's not my fault." I mutter to myself. I feel an arm slipping around my back, the person is shushing me, telling me it gets better. The arm moves a way for a second, I hear a Ping! as the elevator doors slide close.

"It's not my fault, I wouldn't have gone. They did this, it's not my fault." I remove my hands from my head and start to rub my wrist. I can see the scars of the rope, "Please, I just want to go home. It hurts, please stop. I just want to go home," I whisper over and over again. I hear the elevator doors slide open, a yell for someone and see someone coming toward me. I cower in the corner of the elevator. "Please, I just want to go home. I just want to see my daddy, Daddy. Help me, Daddy. They're hurting me, they're hurting me! Make them stop! Please, please, Daddy, just make them stop."

The person picks me up,"I don't want to get tied up again! Please, please don't. Not again. I just want to go home, please... Please." I murmur my words,"The ropes hurt, please stop. I just want to go home, any where from here. I just want it to stop."

"Penelope, Penelope. Focus on my voice, Penelope, listen to my voice and everything will get better." I hear Finnick tell me, why is Finnick here? Why is he here? I am set down on a bed, I start to thrash. They can't put the ropes on me without a fight. "Penelope, focus, focus, Penny." Finn is the only one who can call me Penny. "Penny, it's me, Finnick. Finnick Odair. Focus." Finn keeps telling me to focus so I try, maybe I will be out of the house if I try. I feel my vision clear and I see Finnick and Johanna sitting on the bed holding my legs and arms.

"Penny," Finn touches my face, I flinch a way from the hand. He did that too, he touched my face too, every time I would cry out. Finnick looks at Jo' for an examination.

"I think you should tell him," Jo' points at me, she lets go of my legs. "The full story, everything. Every detail. We need to know." Johanna reaches and touches my hair, the only affectionate thing I have ever seen her do.

"Okay... After your victor's tour, Johanna, I was sent back to dad. I was on the train for seven hours, when we got there Peacekeepers wanted to walk me home. Three girls had gone missing, all of the richer class. I declined, thinking I was stronger enough to handle it. After all, I was child, or so I thought. I took a shortcut through the Seam, hiding in the shadows. I didn't like to be seen in the Seam, most find it highly disrespectful for a rich girl to be there. I went into an alleyway, I was thinking about something, about my dad I think, and I didn't notice the boys." Finnick makes a sound of recognition,"All of them were your age, Finnick, and all of them Chaff's to my dad's height. Much bigger than me.

"One of the men hit me across the face, I passed out. A few minutes later, I woke up bound to a bed by my wrists and ankles." Both of them made a disgusted noise, I touch my wrists and show them the scars,"I was completely naked." A growl formed in Johanna's throat,"They walked in and told me what they were going to do to me, and I think you have that all figured out. Twelve hours later, I was covered in vomit, thrown into the street and only in my underclothes. A woman found me with her son, they brought me to a friend who helped me, fixed me all up. Even helped me get over wincing every time a man walked up to me.

"Two months later, the boys were put to death for the murder and rape of three other girls. I knew all of them."

Finnick wraps his arms around me, he whispers words into my ear. Jo' rubs my back,"We should tell your father and the lot," Finnick decides. I nod my head into his chest, it was time to tell them.


	6. Chapter 6

**So here it is, hope you like it :) **

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><p>Finnick and Johanna go and gather the victors I want to know; Beetee, Wiress, Mags, Seeder, and Chaff. I get my dad and Effie, I figure she needs to know too. I sit them down in the dinning room, it's the only one that would fit all of us. Finn walks in with the District 3 victors and Mags, he sits them down next to my dad and Effie, he takes the seat to the right of me. A couple of minutes later Jo' walks in with Chaff and Seeder, they sit down and Johanna takes the seat to my left.<p>

"Why are we all here? I have drinking to do!" Chaff bellows laughing, no one laughs with him.

"I have something to tell you. No one can interrupt, please just listen to me." And so I tell them, Finnick grabs my hand half way through when they start to protest, he makes me focus and not fall back into the memories. I finish after a while, a lot longer than when I told Finn and Johanna.

"You never told me?" My father asks,"You didn't tell me! How could have not told me?" He slams his hands on the table, I feel my self slipping. I am slipping back to the day of the trial.

_One of the boys father's was yelling how this couldn't be right, how they would never do this to anyone. The judge tells him that there is a girl standing here who was raped by his son personally. The father punches through a wall, screaming. Tears ran down his face, his wife tried to make him stop when one of the boys starts to fight the Peacekeeper. _

_ "I don't want to die! I have a family, I should live! I don't want to die." He starts to thrash, he attacks a Peacekeeper. I will never forget the blood that spluttered all of my dress that day. The way his mother fell to her knees over his body, sobbing. She puts his head in her lap, she brushes his hair a way from his face and keep whispering words to him._

You can't even feel sorry for their family, can you? Worthless thing. You killed him.

_I didn't kill him! The Peacekeeper did! I had nothing to do with it._

You had everything to do with killing those boys. Everything.

"Please, I didn't kill them. It wasn't my fault, please believe me. I didn't kill them." I hear myself whisper.

"Haymitch! You're dragging her back to her world!" Effie screams, I feel myself fall from the chair. My back hits the ground, followed by my head. A warm hand is pressed to my face.

"Penny, focus. Focus for me, if you can come back to us I will give you thirty bucks." Oh, Finn, you know how to make me do what you want.

"Make it a hundred and maybe," I croak out, laughing. My tears continue to fall, Finnick starts to laugh.

"There's good ol' Penny," He chuckles, everyone is still shaken. No one knows what to do or say, except Finn.

"You callin' me old? I find that insulting, Pretty Boy." I slap his face in a teasing way. I'm hauled to my feetand crushed into a hug. Chaff.

"You call tell me anything, you didn't have to keep it a secret." He whispers in my hair.

"Breathing is a part of life even I need," I gasp. Seeder holds me a few seconds murmuring words into my ear. Some of those words about the boys, would make a sailor blush. Mags opens my hand and pours sugar cubes into it, I couldn't help but laughing and popping four into my mouth.

"You could have-" Wiress starts, with a face of concern.

"Told us." Beetee finishes for her, he gives me a small, sad smile.

Effie grabs my hands and rubs her thumbs in circles over my palms,"Why? Why didn't you tell me? You could have told any of us." Effie has tears in her eyes, for once it's not a overreaction.

"I couldn't have told any of us, not until this year. They were only gone a few weeks ago. I feel much better not having to keep it to myself." I smile, a real one. Everyone leaves but Daddy. They tell me that I could talk to any of them.

My father catches me by surprise when he holds me,"You shouldn't have gone through that." He strokes my hair and I know he's hurting a lot worse then he says. We stand there for a good ten minutes. "Well, I have stuff to do." My father leaves the room, just like himself again.

That was almost to easy, I realize they think I am already broken. That even really reacting to the fact would set me off. Finnick and Johanna think so too. You can see that all of them think that. Daddy should have been more upset, more confused. Maybe I am already to broken. They saw me breakdown, they know I won't make it out of those games. I don't have a chance.

I drift back to my room, lock it, and I draw a bath for myself. Bubbles fill the bath and I almost start to laugh, they're happy little bubbles. It's ironic how I am about to die and I'm laughing about bubbles. I strip down and sink into the bath, I should look on the bright side. I could be dead already. I hum a little song my friend wrote a few years ago after Sarah broke with her boyfriend.

"I met a man of two feet tall

This man was quite ambitious

In a world that is so vicious to us all

I said, "Hi," as he replied

He said, "Listen to these words

That I have lived by my whole life

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be

And you're only as small as the world will make you seem

When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall

Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall"

I met a man of 12 feet tall

He towered like a giant

In a world that was defiant of his height

I said, "Hi," as he replied

He said, "Listen to these words

That I have dreaded my whole life

"You're only as tall as your heart will let you be

And you're only as small as the world will make you seem

When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall

Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall."

I am a man of six feet tall

Just looking for some answers

In a world that answers none of them at all

I'll say, "Hi," but not reply

To the letters that you write

Because I found some peace of mind

Cause I'm only as tall as my heart will let me be

And I'm only as small as the world will make me seem

When the going gets rough and I feel like I may fall

I'll look on the brightside - I'm roughly six feet tall."

Thinking of the little song, I was happy, content really. I may be going to die soon, but I have lived with family and friends for a long time.

"I have a had a good time, Life. I really have." I whisper to myself, I wash myself and braid my hair. I throw on a baby blue button down shirt, some cream shorts and sandals. I walk to the T.V. room, where I know everyone will be. Dan's curled up in the corner of the coach, Violetta was sitting very close to him, Dad was next to her, Dan's stylist was next to him and Effie next her.

"They're starting now! Sit down, sit down!" Effie hurries me, I am glad she's not treating me any different, perhaps she knew I didn't want pity. I want release. I sit down next to her,"Did you pick your outfit, it suits you quite well." She complements me. I smile at her and focus on the screen. Golden got an eight and Silk got a ten, Marina get a nine and Andrew a ten, both the Hurpons got threes. Oceania got a six and Jacob a two, I sigh, neither are going to win. The rest are either sixes or threes, District 11 brakes the streak. Frost gets an eleven! An eleven, to a girl from 11! Little Trust gets a ten! Chaff's got a good team this year. My face pops up, nine! I gasp, that's the highest score district 12 has ever got! Daddy only got an eight! I laugh, wow. Dan gets a four, I patted him on the back as we go back to our rooms.

"Promise me something, I know I'm going to die." Dan says bluntly,"Win for a dead boy walking? For your family too, and your boyfriend, Finnick." Dan takes my hand, boyfriend what? "Please, and when you do can you give some money for my family? So they can live."

"I'll try, if I do I will." I say after a little bit,"And Finn isn't my boyfriend."

He chuckles,"Yet." He tosses me a cheeky grin and walks into his room. So, he knows he's going to die too? I slip into my room and change into jammies. I fall asleep right away


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it's short.. It's a filler... Hope you like it**

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><p>Effie roused me the next day,"It's a big, big day! You're going to prepare for your interviews," Effie sings into my ear,"Oh, I finally get someone who can walk in heels!" I can hear her skip through the hallway, humming. I throw on the clothes, I had on last night.<p>

I go to breakfast and eat as much as I can, I really haven't been trying to gain weight, not the smartest move on my part. Effie whisks me away half way through the meal, I just wanted to finish my food! Goddam Effie. She puts me in four inch heels and a book on my head, that freaking book fell more than eighty times. After, I was able to walk the length of the room five freaking times with the book on my head I was able to prepare for questions. Effie asked stupid questions that Caesar would never ask.

She sent me to my dad after lunch, thank the heavens. "You're going to be the humble little victor's kid. Answer his questions like the little girl you are when ever your here." He smirks a bit, so he noticed.

"Well, I can't be myself around these people... Except maybe Effie."

"Very true... There's nothing really else to do... I have drilled this in your head since you were a baby." He laughs, he walks out. Probably to get a drink or something. I sigh, it's a little hard not to hate him for missing most of the important parts of my life, but I can't 'cause I love him.

I grab my drawing stuff again and head to the roof again, it has become my refuge. A place I can think without someone being around the corner. I sit back into my garden, I just let myself sketch. I don't think I just let my hand glide over the paper, at the end of it I am with a life like sketch of Finnick. With me in his arms. And we're kissing. What? I don't like Finn like that! I rip the paper in two then four. I then burst into tears, but I do like him like that! I'm just that little girl to him, nothing else! I sigh, wipe my tears and lay down on the garden floor. I don't know how but I fall asleep.

_I am in the bed again, he ropes are tighter than last time. Silk stands over me, he lips his lips. "You've been a naughty girl. You're feisty. I like that." He makes, what I suppose is his way of a sexy noise. _

_ "Please don't do this! I really don't want this... Please." I plead him,"Please, please." I try to wiggle my hands free._

_ "You're not going anywhere, ever again." He rips off my shirt_

I gasp, I feel around me, I'm in the garden. It's night, everyone must be worried. Whatever, let them worry. I sneak to the elevator and press '4'. The elevators ping, I rush out of the elevator, I run to the room that I know is Finn's. I knock softly.

"Wha? Yeah, I is coming." He says sleepily, he swings the door open. He squints at me,"Everyone's looking for you, you should go back to your room." He's only wear pj pants, plaid, green and blue.

"I don't want to tonight, I was wondering if I could stay here tonight?" He gives me a look,"I don't want to see the look my father gets when he looks at me now. Not as though I am a person, but a glass cracking. Just for tonight, I'll even sleep on the floor..." I trail off, unsure of myself suddenly.

"Yeah, sure. Need clothes? We can share a bed right?" I nod to both though I am very nervous about saying yes to sharing a bed with Finn. First, he's a male. Second, he's my best friend. Third, I think I may be in love with him. He throws a t-shirt that is way to big for me and shorts that were to the middle of my calf.

"Turn around and no peeking." I tell him, he does as told. "Done, what?" He was laugh very hard.

"You look ridicules, but very cute." I pout and go to the bed. "Move over you're on my side. I always sleep on the right." I move to the left. "Better," he snuggles in close to me. This probably seems friendly and all to him but to me I am practically jumping with joy. Well, after getting used to having a male sleeping next to me. Finnick will probably the only person who will ever be able to do this. I am going to die soon.


	8. Chapter 8

**Not the best, but I think it's good enough. I have a hint about the arena, it's a quote from a chapter in the future. Don't read it, if don't want the hint,"THERE'S SANE IN MY TITS." That line makes me laugh :D Hope you enjoy.**

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><p>I wake up to Finnick shaking me,"What is it with people and shaking me?" I snap at him, nightmares were the majority of both of our nights.<p>

"Your prep team is probably waiting for you." He tells me.

"I don't want to see those freaks ever again."

"To bad, just go like that. I'll bring your clothes up after breakfast." I walk out with Finn's clothes on, when I pass Mags in the hallway she gives me a look. A look that said she thought we had sex last night. The thought makes me laugh, Finn and me. He'd never want that. I make it to my floor and run to my room, the prep team is waiting.

"Oh my god! Where were you last night? I hope he was cute." One of the woman scream, "Okay, down to business." They scrub me all over again, one of the woman have my hair, the other my nails, and the man my face. I watch the one at my nails, she may be very stupid, but she knows how to do her job. She makes them dark red ovals, she rans out after she's done to help Violetta. I ask if I'm allowed to see myself and the two left fiercely say no. They finally finish and Violetta came in with a dress bag! I get a dress this time!

She opens the dress bag and I see the most gorgeous dress ever. A sweetheart neckline, reds, oranges and black fold together in the flowing fabric. I put it on and I am transformed. I look like a goddess, not just some fifteen year old. My eyelashes are fake, my lips are a nude color, my shoes are about five inch. Something even a girl trained in the art of heel walking, would have trouble with.

"Did you hear? They made the interviews are five minutes this year! Because of you and the girl from six. The other victor kid." Great, just great.

"Am I supposed to be happy?" I ask harshly.

"Yes! More questions equals more sponsors!"

"Yay me."

I am sent down to the stage, I stand behind Trust and in front of Dan. We, the tributes, walk out onto stage. Golden goes for the "sexy" look, personally she looks like she has to take a shit. Silk walks up next, he doesn't bother letting Caesar ask a question. "I'm going to win, after I take a piece of the sex goddess from twelve with me." Did he just call me a sex goddess?

"What do you mean?" Caesar asks, just as confused as I am.

"I'll be her first, I bet. I'll take it even if she doesn't want me to." Silk drawls.

"You mean you'll... rape her?" Caesar asks uncertainly. There's gasps from the crowd.

"Yep, I mean why not?" He's going to rape me, he's going to rape me.

"Why don't we talk about something else?" Caesar asks hurriedly.

"Yes, why don't we." I can't help but to think about it. He's going to take me, he's going to rape me. It's going to be like I'm fourteen again, raped. I'll go insane. I am insane. This is what the Hunger Games do to people. I continue to think and think about it, scaring myself more and more. I miss Oceania and districts 5 through 10. I come back into focus when Trust goes up, I'm up next!

Trust answers like a twenty-five year old not a twelve year old. He sounds like a scholar, he answers with truth. He sounds much more intelligent than anyone else. When his buzzer sounds, everyone feels like bugs under his feet.

"Hello, Miss Abernathy. So you heard what Silk said, what do you think about it?" He doesn't seem to want to ask, but everyone at home is wondering.

"Well, for one he won't be my first." I smirk a bit,"At fourteen I was raped, even the thought of it happening again scares me to my core." I tell him truthfully,"I don't want to talk about it any longer." I give a small smile, well Mom knows now.

Caesar clears his throat,"Seeing as you are the daughter of two victors what does the Hunger Games mean to you?"

"To me it is a loss of innocence, no matter if you win or die you're never the same. You're change from a child into something even an adult should not be. It means goodbye to everyone you love. It is means goodbye to yourself. It means certain death or certain insanity, no matter what the degree. It's not fame, it's torture, you're turned into a monster. Even after the games, you're not out. Your life is now riddled with death and the nightmares you have to live through everyday. To me it's worst than death itself and every year 24 children are sent to it." There are gasps in the crowd, I just rebelled in my own way. I don't let Caesar say anything else,"Thank you, Caesar." I walk back to my chair, a few people have fainted. No one as ever done anything like that, I know I will pay. As I sit, I hear a roar go through the crowd and my arms being restraint. A Peacekeeper pulls me out of my chair and I am shoved off of the stage, a bag is put on my head after we exit the stage.

I am shoved into a car, I feel the panic raise in me. I start to thrash, a needle is put in my arm and I can't move anymore. I am carried out of the car and dumped into a chair, the bag is pulled off and I face the president.

"Miss Abernathy, what a thing to do. Your death will be a pleasure to watch." His over fattened lips move fast. "Even if you live, you're going to suffer. I can't do anything to your family or any of your victor friends. But if you get home, I do believe you will be missing a few friends. Your good friend Steven, I believe he was just arrested for poaching. You know the punishment for poaching." Yes, I do. Death. Steve is dead, "You see, Penelope," My name sounds so bitter on his tongue,"I control everything, no small girl will change that. Not even one of two victors." I am hauled to my feet, Steve's dead or going to be dead soon.

_You haven't even entered the games yet and five deaths are on your shoulders. You're worse than your father._

Steve's dead and it's my fault. I killed him. Sarah and Angie are never going to know that I did this to him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Blah this one sucks. Sorry it's late I was sick. Hope you can forgive me :)**

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><p>I shoved back into the car, tears are running down my face, sobs rake through my body. I pull my hair, I start to whisper Steve's name over and over again. I did this, I did this! I did this.<p>

I am brought to the victor's lodge, my father waiting with Finnick. Their faces fall to the ground when they see me. "I killed him! I kill Steve! Daddy, I kill my best friend! He's dead!" I sob into his shirt when he holds me. A silence goes through the victor's lodge. "Steve, I killed him. I'm never going to see him again, he's dead." I whisper.

"It's alright, you didn't do it. He probably was doing something wrong anyway."

"You don't really believe that do you? That Steve was 'poaching', they're not from the Seam they don't need to. I kill him and you know that." I detach myself from him. Angry at everyone, myself, Dad, Finnick, the Capitol boil in me. "I am a murderer and I haven't even gotten into the arena, do you really think I don't know that?" My voice is as deadly as I have ever heard it. I almost scare myself, I rush out of the room. My tears splash against my dress, I find a closet and collapse into it.

_"Stop throwing grass at me!" I shout at a little boy, who is playing in the grass next to me._

_ "Or what, Your Royal Highness." He replies._

_ "I like Princess better, and I'll throw a rock at you."_

_ "Oh, Princess, like you would," The eight year old taunts me. I proceed by throwing a rock at him and cutting his brow with said rock. He cries, I laugh; a beautiful friendship was born._

I am thrown into another memory of Steve.

_"You like a ten year old?" Steve snorts,"They're a year older than you! Like they would like you."_

_ "Well, Kristen won't like you. You wish she did so you could K-I-S-S her!" Kristen is his cousin's girlfriend and when ever she visits him, he ends up crying because she told him she doesn't love him back. We don't even know what love is, we just heard Steve's parents say it in the bedroom, followed by a lot of moaning. I think Steve's dad was fixing the bed or something. _

_ "Well, you're never going to get married and you'll die alone."_

_ "So will you!"_

_ "You should marry me, then neither of us are alone."_

_ "Okay, I will!" He gives me a toy ring his mom had from when she was little. _

I still have that little ring, I keep it under my pillow when I sleep. Steve was probably my best friend, even over Oceania and Finnick. He told me everything and I told him almost everything. I couldn't tell him about the rape or the Capitol tortures that have effected my family.

There's a sharp knock on the door, I stop breathing. They're here to take me away again, this time I'll find out that little Marcus is dead or something. The knock rings again, the door knob turns. Johanna stands in the doorway, her face is blank. "You shouldn't have ran, Haymitch was just trying to help. Get off the floor, you're going into the arena tomorrow. You need sleep."

I snort,"Like I'll get any." Johanna smiles a small, sad smile. She reaches out her hand, I grab it. She hauls me up, and I am forced into my room and change into my jammies. She doesn't leave even after I'm in bed.

"I'll stay here until you fall asleep," She tells me. I have never seen her so nice, perhaps she is reliving her Hunger Games. She didn't have anyone to stroke her hair and tell her that it would be okay. She crawls into bed next to me and rubs circles into my back. I drift off to sleep, nightmares still haunt me. Not my death, but Steve's, Johanna's, Mother's, Daddy's and Finn's. They all stand next to each other, backs straight and tall. They're ready to die, brave enough to face death and not waver. So unlike me. They are fired upon and I finally see the faces of the firing squad. They are all me, blood splattered clothing, boots, face. I am grinning, as though I am gleeful that they have died. One by one, Steve, Johanna, Mom, Dad, and Finn fall to the floor. Bullets tarring their bodies.

They lay upon each other, their blood flooding the room. It flows to me, the real me, climbing my body. Seeping into my pores, filling my mouth, my ears, my nose. I can't breathe, I am drowning in their blood.

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><p>My eyes fling open, a pale light fills the room. Dawn of the Hunger Games. I walk to the dining room, knowing I will be unable to sleep any longer. Effie is there huffing about my father. He's passed out at the table, I move towards him. "Daddy?" I ask shyly.<p>

He slowly lifts his head, so he wasn't passed out. "Oh, baby." He knocks back the chair and gathers me in his arms. For once, I don't smell alcohol on him. "You'll do fine, you'll win. Dan will be there to help." He strokes my hair,"Eat some breakfast." I sit down next to him and he takes my right hand in his left. I eat as much as I can, so about three bites, before I almost get sick.

"I have to take you to the hovercraft," Effie tells me. "In about twenty minutes, go see Finnick." She tells me. I hug my father again, for the first time in four years he tells me he loves me. I walk to the elevator and press '4'. I walk to FInn's room and knock as softly as I can, no answer. I walk to the dining room, no one there either. I then go to the victor's lodge to see if he's there. No one's there either. I go back to my level, I rush to my room and write him a quick letter.

_Finnick,_

_ I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye, I really am. I have dread the moment I won't be able to see you any longer. But that moment seems to have come to soon, I am going to die. If you're reading this it means I am dead. I just wanted to tell you, that you are my best friend and I'm in love with you. I love you._

_ Penelope_

I fold the letter in three times and shove it into a envelope. "Effie, if I die give this Finnick. No, earlier." I tell Effie when I pass her the letter, she brings me to my hovercraft. She hugs me. "Effie, I'm sorry." I reach for the ladder and I am frozen in place. A doctor pushes a needle through my skin and then I am brought up into the hovercraft. Violetta isn't there, instead is a boy around eighteen there. He's doesn't have any altercations on him, just gold eyeliner.

"Hello, Penelope." He says,"I'm Cinna, I am here because Violetta is having a altercation today. I'm her personal assistant." He tells me. He gets me to drink water and eat a little toast.

"I like you much better than Violetta." I tell him truthfully.

"I figured, most people don't enjoy her. Capitol or not. When I first came to the Capitol, I'm from district eight, to work for her, I was so freaked out." He laughs, so he's from a district.

"How'd you get out of the District?"

"I showed my designing skills and they were short personal assistants. I took the job." He smiles, probably thinking of his home. "Let's get you changed." He hands me sand colored cargo pants, a beige tank top, a large jacket, and combat boots. He slips the ring my father gave me for my birthday onto my finger, I didn't even realize that it was my token.

Cinna takes me to the launch room, I feel shaky and nervous. He some how calms me down. "You're probably in a desert, the colors." He says when I give him a confused look. "Try not to be tempted to run to the bloodbath, if you do don't slip. That could cost you are life." I hug this boy I have know for an hour or two.

"Thank you,"I tell him. I walk to the platform thing and a glass tube is place around me, I am sent up. I wait in darkness for fifteen seconds, I feel doomed. I look around, Cinna was right


	10. Chapter 10

**This chapter is boring and not up to my usual writing but I couldn't fix it. Yeah sorry **

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><p>I look around, the boy tribute from 7 is on my right and the girl from 9 on my left. I go into a running stance, I hear an explosion. Someone stepped off the plate! Who would do that? I see heads whipping in shock over to the other side, to the place I can't see. I see heads whip back to me. "Dan?" I ask in wonder. Why would he do that?<p>

_GONG! _It sounds and I'm off running. I snatch a pack and continue to run, I am easily the first off of the plates and at the Cornucopia. I grab a bow and arrow set they put out, the golden bow was enchanting. I continue to run, when I feel the knife pierce my shoulder. I stumble, but continue to run. I will be doing a lot of running. My shoulder is in searing pain. Though it could be worse, I could be dead.

I have to resist the urge to hum a kids rhyme about death and destruction, it was from before the Dark Days. The rhyme would fit the games, disease, death, destruction. I then realize, I must be pretty sick in the head to be thinking about a rhyme when children are dying not a mile a way from me. I run and run and, you guessed it, run. I run for a good two hours, my tiredness was overcoming me but I had to keep going. The heat was also getting to me. I pause for a second, I strip myself of the jacket and shirt. I stuff them in the pack, the heat lessens a bit.

After an other hour, I stop. I am so tired and I have to be awake for the night. The Careers will be hunting. I must have missed the cannons that tell us how many died. I sit down, my shoulder pain was forgotten long ago, but has come back fiercer than ever. I look in the pack for a first aid kit, I have a small one. Bandages and feverpills are all that's in it. I grip the handle of the knife, I pull and the agony that rips through me is nothing I have ever felt before. I have to pull and tug for a while, my lips bleed from me bitting through them. I finally get it out, after almost passing out four times. I wrap it in the bandages and decide I will stay here for now.

I place the knife in my belt loop, I open the pack not knowing what to expect. Jerky, crackers, a little knife set, and three full water bottles. Three! There must not be a water source in the arena. You can only get what the Cornucopia gave and what sponsors give you. I open one, the sip I take is so small that I can barely feel it run through my mouth. I don't taste anything other than blood. I press a bandage to my mouth, there's nothing else I can really do.

The sunset starts and I can't help but thank the Gamemakers for at least making this beautiful. I slip my shirt and jacket back on, it's only going to get cold tonight. I watch the sky turn orange, red, and finally blue. The colors melt into each other, I can't help but think about a sunset I spent with my mother.

_We had just come back from that years games and I was finally twelve. This was the first time that a victor had come home with us. His name was Finnick, the fourteen year old boy was in one word beautiful. In every way. He hadn't let the games destroy him, not completely. He was funny, charming and caring. He was all of this until, we stepped off of the train. His mother wasn't there. He asked his father why, she didn't want to be part of a family with a murder. His father told him that no of his family could live with him, they were staying. They couldn't even look into his eyes, the eyes that held betrayal and such a deep sadness that no fourteen year should hold. _

_ His father turned away, before Finnick could even run away from the train station a small girl, maybe four years old, latched herself onto his legs. She was crying his name. The sobs overtook her body, Finn's father pulled her off of him, gave his son a curt nod and walk away from him._

_ I asked my mother why they didn't want him, she told me they were afraid. I asked more questions but she wouldn't answer. She brought me to the beach to watch the sunset,"People fear things that are greater than them, just as Finnick's family fears him." She tells me._

_ "Can you tell the story?" I ask her._

_ Her laugh tickled the air,"Yes, of course. There was once a boy who won the games, one of the most brutal games ever. He was very sad when he went home, when he came to district four he was even more sad. A girl a year older than him, made him laugh again. His laugh was like happiness in the air, he smiled this smile that made everyone in the room smile. Like your smile." Her finger hits my nose,"He made the girl happy too, very happy. That night they were together, laughing and smiling. The boy had to leave and they didn't see each other for another six months and the girl had a surprise for the boy. A baby was on its way, a lovely baby who had her daddy's smile and laugh, and her momma's hair. This baby was a really happy baby, even when she was really little she would smile and giggle." My mother had a wistful smile, I lay myself in her lap. _

I smile wistfully myself, I wish I could go back to that. Back to being the little girl who didn't know her parents never loved each other, never found out her mother only keep her because the president made her. I want to go back to that. Not be here, force to kill or be kill, my innocence being crush even smaller. I take a small sip of water, my mouth dry. It is so refreshing.

_BANG!_ I grimace, the Careers found someone. I can only hope Dan still alive, waiting for me to find him. Maybe he got an ally. The Capitol seal fills the sky, Data from district 3 shows, her husband next, then Jacob the district 4 tribute, both of district 5's, the other victor's daughter, both from 7, the girl from 8, and the boy from district 9. Ten, only fourteen play the game still. Dan's alive and Trust. I don't now why this makes me happy but it does. I curl on my side and try to sleep


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter is up before any changes are made to it, so hot off the press. Please tell me if there are any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes :) Hope you enjoy. Also, do you want me to make the chapters longer or shorter?**

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><p>I wake up when I hear a strangled yell. I am instantly on my feet, bow and arrow in my hands ready to be shoot. I am about to run in the other direction when I hear a shout,"DAN!" It was Oceania voice screaming Dan's name. My sense of fear washes away and is fill with a terrible, terrible rage. I run with my pack on my back and the bow in my hands until I see them. The boy from 10 sits on Dan, a knife trailing his skin. The girl from 10 has Oceania in a headlock. The arrow leaves the bow, it hits its target. The boy on Dan. He falls over gasping for breath, my arrow went trough his throat. His partner screams for him, Oceania takes the chance and wiggles out. She has just enough time to knife the girl in the back. Two cannons boom.<p>

Oceania's head whips in my direction, her face breaks into a grin. I walk toward Dan, I look at him. His skin has lines dragging from his stomach to his chest, he sits up and gasps in pain,"Oceania take care of him, I have bandages in my bag. I am getting the arrow and taking their stuff." I walk to the body of the boy and pull out my arrow. I can feel myself sinking into a shell, a person I don't know and probably won't like. I check his pockets, nothing. I pull off the small pack he had on, I throw it over to Oceania. She patching up Dan, I almost feel guilty for killing the boy until I see one cut that is a smiley face. My face goes hard and I feel the rage to the Capitol for making kids do this soars.

"You liked that, right? You like that I killed someone! You si-" I get cut off when a hand reaches of my mouth. Oceania stands behind me, her face very wary. I could have just killed someone else I love. Maybe my mother just had a miscarriage, maybe Marcus just died. Maybe I have another death on my shoulders. I am overwhelmed with emotion. I fall to my knees sobbing, I think of how my family, friends are watching this. Me breaking down, how I went from the girl who could keep rape secret to a sobbing mess is beyond me. I rub the heel of my palm to my eye, suck it up and go to the girl's body. I take out the knife from her back, place it next to the one on my belt and grab her pack. I am surprised these two made out of the bloodbath, even more so that they both got packs.

I gather Oceania and Dan, we open their packs. Five water bottles, jerky, crackers, a tent, a sleeping bag, and a large first aid kit. I start to divide up the simples,"What are you doing? We're allies, don't need to divide it." Dan says.

"We are not. I am not going to have some be my ally just to be killed or tortured because of who I am and who my parents are. I have a target larger than anyone on my back. There's no doubt about it." I say this harshly, bitterly. I do have a target on my back,"I also don't want to my friends get killed." I say more softly.

"To bad, we are staying." Oceania sings in my ear.

"I will kill you if you stay," I won't. I wouldn't be able to.

"No, you won't. You'd be to scare," Oceania points out my weakness.

"I'll be the reason you die though," I sigh.

"We're all going to die. Some more quickly than others," I don't respond. There's no reason to. She won. I continue to divide them, putting stuff in each backpack and handing to the team of two.

"We're walking, let's go," I demand. I slip out of my jacket and shirt again, forgetting about Dan. He makes a noise of surprise when Oceania joins the party. He shrugs and takes off his too, protection from the sun check. I smile,"Oceania, do you remember when Finnick all us got drunk last year?"

I have never seen Oceania snort with laughter,"Oh my god, yes! When he stood on the table,'I AM GOD! LOOK AT ME! I AM SO SEXY!' Then he took off his shirt, and proceeded to chase us around the house screaming about sexual assault . He found the rubber bands! 'I JUST HIT YOU, OCEAN! YOU LOSE!' He shot you on your neck and your mom thought you had a hickey the next day!"

"You had your first drink! 'This is so fucking gross, how the hell are you guys drinking? What is this fuckery?' You chugged it, even though you hated it. 'Why am I so dizzy? What did you do, Penny?' I didn't do anything by the way," Our sides are splitting by the end of our conversation, we're practically rolling in the sand, when the spear goes overhead. It almost hits Dan.

I let the animal take over again, I can feel my eyes glaze over. I can feel the rage I hold grow larger. The spear was the spark to my flame. I spin around, arrow already in the bow and take aim. The kid is killed before she can cry out, she's by herself. No allies. Suddenly, my head feels like it's going to burst. My hands go over my ears and I stay completely still. The pounding I feel is not comparable to the pain I felt with the knife. This hundreds of times that pain. I start to screech, my voice must be heard from miles away. I can't stop myself, the pain is to great. I fall to my side and curl into a ball, I can feel my sanity slipping through my fingertips. My hold on reality will gone if I don't stop. I hear Oceania and Dan gasp, I feel a bag land on me. I bring my fingers to it and hold it tight in my fist. I finally shut my mouth, I finally calm myself a bit. Only enough to open the gift.

My fingers stumble and I can barely open it, but finally I do. I laugh out loud. Sugarcubes! I pop one in my mouth, I finally feel my getting a grip. Dan mutters something to Oceania and walks away. When she sees what I'm holding, she giggles. Sugarcubes, something Finnick would torture us with. He would force feed us seven at a time, I finally got used to it and was able to eat them on command and enjoy it. Oceania on the other hand, will never get over what he did and can't even taste one without gagging. She doesn't even like super sugary things anymore.

Dan walks back with the arrow,"Nothing but the arrow and the spear. Not even a token." Dan's face is sad, a bit distrustful too. He's seen me kill without a second thought, I would be distrustful too. Being around victors my whole life, I know when to lay off people and just stay silent. This was one of those times, we continued to walk in silence until sunset. We never run, just walked keeping to ourselves. We were each trapped in our own minds. My hands still clutch the bag of sugarcubes, I almost don't want to put it in my backpack when I settle down to sleep. But I do, because I need both hands on my bow. Oceania may be keeping watch, but I need to be ready.

As I drift off, I realize this must be the fastest Hunger Games ever. We're already down to nine tributes and it's only day two. The Capitol must be happy. Then a second thought hits me head on, it's my sixteenth birthday tomorrow. Perhaps, I'll be in District 4 on day four. One can wish.


	12. AN

** Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I'll try to get the chapter up in a couple of days. I was having a lot of trouble focuses on the story, I have been lazy. Ideas for new stories are crushed into my head and my thoughts get jumbled very easily, I could be writing for about twenty minutes when a new though or idea stuffs itself in my brain and I have to write it down. I am also writing, just an original story, and that takes a lot of my time. Sorry, for not posting and making you think this was a new chapter.**


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